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findinghope

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Article By Ali Flynn/Photo by Andre Furtado from Pexels

After many years of feeling drained as a partner and a mom, I decided to take my life back and stop going through the motions…

At some point, I lost a bit of myself along the way of raising my children.

I let go of my passions and only focused on what made my children happy.
And the funny thing is, I didnโ€™t even know it.

Until years later, upon deep reflection, I realized the loss I was feeling.

I let go of me.

I stopped living for me and only woke up each day wondering how to make the lives of the people around me more fulfilled.

I let go of me.

I started to become a shell of a person simply going through the motions rather than living life each day. Even before the pandemic of Covid-19, I felt I was living day after day the same life over and over again.

I let go of me.

I didnโ€™t wake up refreshed, ready to take on the day, rather I was tirelessly traipsing through the day with little to no emotion.

I let go of me.

I was trapped inside my own shell, knowing the walls to escape could be broken down but no one could reach in and help me.

I let go of me.

I had to emerge on my own…

And that, my friends, is exactly what I did.

I reached deep into my soul and pulled out the old wounds and dealt with them face to face.

I slowly started to find me.

I gently traveled to the parts that I had been missing, brushed myself off while being wrapped in a warm embrace and invited myself back in again.

I slowly started to find me again.


I essentially stopped living life going through the motions.

I slowly started to find me again.

I started living and I let go of the guilt.

I let go of the looming thoughts that burdened me.
I stopped feeling selfish the times I was making myself happy.

I started living for my family as a whole.

Not just living for my husband.
Not just going about my day for my children.
But for me also.
For the first time, I was living for all of us collectively.

I slowly started to find me again.

Life has not changed drastically.
But how I look at my life has been altered.

Each day I am presented with decisions to make and I am living within the decisions, feeling each and every part of the day.

I am not going through the motions filling a void in the hollow of the shell that once existed

And oh, what a blessing it has been.

I found me! 

 

Photo credit Anna Shvets via Pexels

๐—›๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜† ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜‚๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ธ๐˜€ ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ฐ? The ‘Perfect Mom’ mask, the ‘Successful Business Person’ mask, or the ‘I Got It All Together’ masks…Almost everyone wears some sort of mask.

One woman shares her storyโ€”

Itโ€™s Time To Take Off The Mask by Faith in the Mess – Melissa Neeb, Writer

I wear a cloth mask everywhere now. It doesn’t really bother me.

What did bother me was the metaphorical one I wore for years. I wore a smile but it was a lie.

No one knew the pain I was in. It was difficult to even admit it to myself. I stuffed it down. Locked it up tight in my heart.

It was my box of darkness. Only mine.

So in the world, I pretended. I faked it. I told everyone I was fine. I was ok. I was good.

Those masks, layers of them, kept my secrets and tears hidden.  I hated who I had become but I didn’t know who to be anymore.

I came to the end of myself, the edge of the proverbial cliff. Dangling. Desperate. Alone.

Then I walked into a room and sat down with a bunch of strangers who could see the face behind the mask because they recognized the pain. They had worn it themselves. They had put it down and left it behind.

So slowly, my masks came off. One by one. Ever so carefully.

I didn’t have to be afraid of my reflection anymore. I could change. Grow. Transform into something I never imagined.

I could learn to love myself again.

And so, my smile turned real.

I was accepted. I was welcome here.

And so my masks stayed off.

And I never want to wear them again.

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