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Jen Thompson, author, on her wedding day

One of the biggest fights we’ve had happened just a few short months after we were married.

We had traveled to see family over the weekend and had just returned home on a Sunday evening. We walked inside, both holding as much as our arms would carry.

The bags were put in our room and my husband proceeded to walk into the living room, turn on the tv and sit down.

Wait. What?
What was he doing?
What about the rest of the stuff in the car?
What about work tomorrow?
We need to unpack. This is priority number one.

Right?

For me, yes.
For him, no.

And in that moment a battle ensued.

I went on and on about why he should be doing what I wanted him to do and he went on and on about why he should be doing what he wanted to do.

Our words flew over and around each other, landing on ears unwilling to listen. We were both so sure we were right. We both knew the other was wrong.

And we just had to get our points across.

It was imperative the other didn’t necessarily understand where we were coming from, but really just changed their behavior.

This is the only fight I remember in the history of our relationship that ended with him leaving the house.

He just left.
He couldn’t take any more of the badgering and out the door and into the car he went to drive and to think.
And I was left alone to cry.

This was not the wedded bliss I imagined.
What was happening here?

It didn’t take long for us both to recognize all of the unspoken things we brought into our marriage. The ways we grew up. Our living habits we never thought to communicate when we weren’t living together. The things we brought into the marriage that we didn’t even know we were carrying. The expectations we had that we didn’t even know we had.

Like you always unload the car completely and unpack immediately after returning from a trip. Like watching your team play takes precedence and whatever needs to be done can be done later.

Fast forward to today and unpacking rarely happens the night we return from a trip.
And it’s definitely possible to miss games, and happens all of the time.

We have grown and we have changed and our priorities have shifted. We have learned to listen to what the other needs and try to compromise instead of being unwilling to budge.

We have learned that there is no such thing as over-communicating.
We speak our needs.
We share our concerns.
We listen.
We budge.

We know we are two imperfect people who will always be growing and changing and learning and the things that matter now, may not matter as much tomorrow.

The key is that we grow and change and learn together.

That fight stands out in my mind and I can see how wrong I was. My husband says he can see how wrong he was, too.

And that’s the beauty of it.

This was a learning moment in our marriage.

We won’t always see eye-to-eye, but the important thing is that we are willing to listen, to admit our wrongs, and to change our ways if needed.

Because our goal is no longer to be right.

But to love each other as best as we are able.

By Ali Flynn Photo: Source Pexels

The circle game… that’s what life feels like at times…

You see, life to me, can be compared to a revolving door… around and around, often similar to the lives we lead…

It’s for us to decide how we want to live out our beautiful adventures of life and experience the journeys ahead of us…

But I do know too often we can get caught in the circle game…

You know, that feeling where life just passes by as we go through the motions…

Whether it’s with work, parenting, our marriages, friendships, the list goes on and on…

Sometimes we can feel as if we are always moving, always changing, but often getting stuck…

Trapped yet circling in the same direction….

Around and around and around…

Day after day, after day…

But what if we decide today that the revolving door needs a change…

A renewal…

A change from the mundane…

A change of pace…

A change of the same hands moving it along…

The change that often we long for…

a different direction…

You see though, the revolving door can’t stop moving until the time is right or another set of hands pushes it along…

again on the same path,

the hands may feel different but the path is always the same, still the same circle

But our lives, like the revolving door, has openings of opportunity daily…

A change can happen…

a chance encounter can lead to a new path…

But the real question is, are we willing to hop off the circle?

hopping off is risky…

But staying in the circle game may be more of a risk…

Around and around

Time and time again

Who knows… maybe the side door is the answer… off the track of the circle

Source Pexels

So today, let’s embark on this adventure together and stop going through the motions…

Let’s take the risk, let’s make the change…

Let’s open the other door!

And allow it to fill us up with a bounty of surprises…

Let’s take a leap of faith and trust in our hearts

that the side door will lead us on a journey

far more rich and fulfilling than going through the motions…

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