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Photo by Canva. Story by Whitney Westbrook

We’ve got to follow our Big Kids’ leads, Midlifers.

I mean not when they’re Little and don’t want to eat their vegetables or brush their teeth and when they want to be a dinosaur when they grow up.

And not when they’re Big and want to eat a whole bag of Cheetos and when they want to be an influencer and still not brush their teeth, either.

I mean when they outgrow the cute little curls when they’re Little and the beautiful braids when they’re Big because they’re growing into exactly who they are meant to be.

Gulp.

Photo By Canva

When they tell you they don’t want to go to college.

And then absolutely thrive at work.

When they tell you that they want BANGS in their life.

And despite your warnings, they look like a movie star.

When they tell you their passion is fill-in-the-blank.

And when it’s most definitely not yours.

Big gulp.

Friends, we’ve got to follow our Big Kids’ leads. Let them step into their own lives within the safety of our own.

And sometimes – as long as they’re safe and healthy – shut our flapping lips and open our ear holes wide.

Story and Photo by Whitney Westbrook

Very few things are permanent (not even bangs), but I know I want the relationship I share with my Big Kids to be a lasting thing.

So my door is open wide to my Big Kid, whose passion I’m learning to love, and to the Big Kid who cut her own bangs, and I even made a big deal for the appointment we made where she chopped off TEN full inches of that glorious hair.

As weird as it sometimes is with Big Kids and all the Big Feelings that come with the territory, I really do believe our Big Kids are growing into exactly who they are meant to be.

And I know I sure plan to be on board to enjoy the ride.

Happy gulp. —By Whitney Westbrook, So Very Whitney

Photo Credit Canva

Recently, I realized I’ve done a lot of traveling with my young adult children. However, I’m not referring to family vacations or even the multiple trips back and forth to their current homes. The traveling I am invited to occurs via phone calls initiated by my big kids as they go about errands and work on homework.

Sometimes, I go to Target and virtually keep them company as they shop for items. Once in a while, I accompany them on a drive-through line to their favorite fast food restaurant.

Other times, I walk with them back from class to the dorm. There is no agenda outside of simply connecting and listening. And then, there are moments when I am put on speaker mode, and I sit in silence while homework is worked on. The reason? To simply sit in their presence.

These moments could easily be perceived as inconvenient and mundane. Truthfully, the calls sometimes interrupt my agenda. However, it is a blessing when your big kid initiates the connection. It is something I never want to take for granted.

I wish we could have done more traveling together on vacations when my kids were young. Yet, traveling together and building bonding moments can look like a lot of things. I am learning to be thankful for all of them.

Two birds in nest

Shortly after saying a tearful goodbye to our daughter on a campus far away, her older brother decided to join my husband and me for a few days of golf, paddle boarding, and relaxing at our cabin in the mountains.

As parents, these are the moments we breathe into with gratitude—when time blesses our hearts.

Soon he will be headed off to school as well, but thankfully at a college less than an hour away. He is close enough to golf 9-holes with us in an afternoon, then grab a bite together, and still make it back to campus in time to hang with his friends for the evening.

As our adult children spread their wings, many parents, like us, are finding unique ways to stay connected with their kids.

Our oldest son, who has autism, has chosen to continue to live with us, and we feel truly blessed. We’ve turned the upstairs into “his apartment.” When we are all home, he comes downstairs to tells us “he loves us,” and heads back up to his sanctuary. Fortunately, he’s very independent and loves his daily routine of work and activities, which keeps him fulfilled and engaged.

I saved the best of our ‘𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵’ for last—my husband.

We. Are. Still. Here. Together.

We built this nest, and we are looking at this next phase as an exciting opportunity—rather than an empty one. We have been intentional about what we would like the next few years to look like, and are excited to experience this new chapter as it unfolds.

We are looking forward to more spontaneous outings, dinner with friends, and a renewed intimacy. We also know, just as we become accustomed to living with two fewer bodies in the house, the holidays will be upon us, and we’ll all be together again.

And isn’t that what is really important? It doesn’t matter if we are all ‘home’ in the same nest or not. We are a family because of our love for each other and because we choose to stay connected no matter where we all live. And that is the kind of nest that will never be empty.

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